WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
