1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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