I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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