sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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