Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
