Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize