So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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