how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
