Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
