Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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