$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
