I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
