he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
