OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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