Apparently you make a good broom.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
