i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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