If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
