fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
