omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize