did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
