I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
