Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
