R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
honey bunches of taint.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
