shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
