I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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