Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
