He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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