Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize