Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
