She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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