yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
