"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have fence marks all over my body
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
