Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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