bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
