Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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