i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
