I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
