I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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