i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
