Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
