Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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