you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
