Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
