So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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