all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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