I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
two words...techno handjob
Hippo gnu deer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
