i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
