Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Someone came in the potted fern
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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