She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
