i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude i'm inner monologue high
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
