Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
where does the pee come out of this thing
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
