So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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