Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
