Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
