I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
