i will never coherently bang her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
