she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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