you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
