I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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