Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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