Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
