Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
