the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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