yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
