I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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