people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
