): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
