So drunk its hurt
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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