..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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