You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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