He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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