Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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