i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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