i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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