go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
