Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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