all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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