1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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