I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
