Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
