how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
