it wasn't lemon gatorade
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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