Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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