You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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