Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
