i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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