she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
