If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
