The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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