Grow some girl-balls and come out already
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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