Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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