I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize