Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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