2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
