He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Randomize
