i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
