I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize