She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
