i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
