If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize