so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
