so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize