not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
