Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my sisters under your porch take her home
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
