I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize