My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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