It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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