Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
