she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
