Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
