Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize