he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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