Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
