Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
