I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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