If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just pee around me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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