so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
