We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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