apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
