Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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