Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Too much gin, very little bucket
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
